Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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