is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
