She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
