Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize