i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I am naked and annoyed.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
