Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
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the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
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Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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