i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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