i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
