I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
