Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
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You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
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I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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