i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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