tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
