so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
