I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
