ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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