so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
