the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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