Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
