I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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