on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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