i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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