In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
