I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize