don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
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Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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