Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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