my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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