I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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