Sry I called you an 8
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
