I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
