I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
