the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
