just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize