apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
