I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
