We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
