Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
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We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
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Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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