last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
