What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
