i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
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While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
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Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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