You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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