i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
