just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
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Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
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GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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