just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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