he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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