You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
