i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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