he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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