Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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