theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
