Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
