I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
