I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
