as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize