I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
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