tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
