I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
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My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
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you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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