Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
