there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
