I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
