and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
